Sometimes, the distance between my home in Turkey and my family in the US feels so far. I felt it this week.
My grandma died.
My entire family was flying to Vermont for the funeral.
And I couldn’t go, because I live in Istanbul.
This is what I wrote the day she died:
“My grandma died. The funeral is this week and I am not there.
She was really my only grandparent growing up. One passed away before I was born, and the other two died when I was five. My grandma is the nucleus of my dad’s side of the family; she is the center in Burlington, VT that we revolved around.
These are the times when I feel the distance most strongly. My choice to live abroad takes me far away from my family, and though I love being an expat, I miss them, I miss being with them.
I am the oldest grandchild. I should be there.”
I felt awful. I love living in Istanbul, I love this adventure I’m on, but some circumstances make it difficult to be so far. There’s the chance of missing out on something important. Like a funeral.
I’ve already been missing New England summertime and my family. Missing the funeral of my only grandparent, missing a chance to mourn with my cousins and uncles and aunts, felt like a personal failure. I am the oldest grandchild. I should be there.
Luckily, things worked out for me. My parents decided they would fly me home if it was possible. And… it wasn’t possible. I would have to leave on the Tuesday and be back by Friday in order to leave for my trip; I would have spent more time in transit than in Vermont.
But then I rescheduled my flight to Batumi, Georgia to depart a few days later (it only cost an extra $20), which meant I could spend a few days longer in Vermont. My flight was leaving in less than 24 hours.
I’ve never been so happy to pack so fast.
So now I’m in Vermont, a glorious little slice of summer heaven, with my family who I love so dearly, to celebrate the life of an amazing woman: a teacher, a painter, a lover of music and knowledge and art and orchids. My grandma.
Sometimes, living so far makes me appreciate being so close.
3 Comments
Lisa Eldridge
July 12, 2013 at 5:02 AMWhat a beautiful tribute…
Barbara G.
July 13, 2013 at 3:37 PMKatie, so sorry about your grandmother. I’m happy you were able to be with your family. You are quite adept at portraying your deepest emotions with such clarity and simplicity. I’d like to see more of that on your blog.
Tom Stockwell (@waegook_tom)
July 14, 2013 at 10:10 PMSorry to read about your loss. I was lucky enough to grow up with 6 grandparents, and didn’t lose any until I was in secondary school. I have three left now, and me being away in Korea, or travelling, it makes me think, what would I do if one of them passed away? I remember my dad calling me once in Korea and my blood ran cold, I thought he was going to tell me my grandad had passed away. Fortunately he’s still with us.
Glad that you managed to make it for the funeral, though. I know if the same happened to me, I’d do everything within my power to get back home for a few days.