March 2020

Well. This month got strange.

It’s almost hard to remember the first two weeks of March, which feel like they happened in a different world. I started the month with a disappointing 10k race in Antalya and I thought that would be the most difficult thing I dealt with. I was wrong! So wrong! But then again, no one expects a global pandemic to turn life upside-down.

Best Of The Month

February ended and March began in Antalya, and that last gasp of Mediterranean sunshine and hugging my friends feels even more special now that all those things are inaccessible. We had a long post-race breakfast next to the sea before heading back to Istanbul the next day, I’m so glad we had that time.

Upon returning, I started going to a lot of milongas, or tango dances, to write a story. What that story will be has obviously changed a lot since I started reporting, but those big beautiful strange nights in Istanbul’s tango community were utterly dreamy.

Another unexpected lovely thing this month was a friendship that is not exactly new (we’ve known each other for a couple of years) but has become a lot deeper in a very short amount of time. This was true before the pandemic constricted our lives, but now that we rarely see other people, it’s even more so. I am very grateful. This friendship has kept me sane for the first few weeks of this utter strangeness.

Worst Of The Month

Antalya was wonderful but the 10k race was HARD. I got shin splints right out of the gate and was in an intense amount of pain. So after walk-run-walking the first few kilometers, I pushed myself to run the last 6+ km, which is INSANE, don’t do this. I finished the race and immediately burst into tears, I was in so much pain. And walking hurt for a week or two afterwards. It was rough.

Then came social distancing and pandemic, which turned my world topsy-turvy in a matter of days. One week, life was normal— I went to yoga and swing dance class, I went swimming twice that week at 7am, I attended three tangos, I met friends for coffee, I planned my parents’ upcoming trip to Istanbul in May, I celebrated a friend’s birthday at a meyhane. And then— everything stopped. I had two major breakdowns that first week, full-on hysterical sobbing meltdowns. It was shock, and mourning. I am doing better than I was that first week, but every day is a mountain to climb. I usually love living alone, but the idea of being completely isolated and untouched for months is terrifying. This pandemic is particularly cruel.

And what made it just a bit worse was that, almost immediately after returning, Nacho left for Spain. We won’t see each other again until this is over, and that is hard.

What I’m Loving

Reads: When I sat down to write this blog post, I could not for the life of me remember what book I was reading in the beginning of the month, and I had been so excited about it. Eventually I remembered— I read Charles Mann’s 1493, a sequel to 1491 (which I read a year ago). 1493 is even better, I was thoroughly obsessed with it. The book traces the way Columbus’ arrival in the Americas caused all kinds of ripple effects throughout the world, whether through silver, malaria, rubber, or potatoes. (Now I am obsessed with potatoes, please ask me to talk to you about potatoes!) Highly HIGHLY recommended, this book is great.

I got through the first week of this new world by reading Educated, a memoir by Tara Westover about her upbringing as a religious prepper in the mountains of Idaho before she escaped through her education. It was riveting, and a terrific distraction.

Music: I’ve been loving the song The Lady With The Braid by Dory Previn. Just delicious storytelling.

Movies/TV: I have resisted watching a lot more TV or movies during social distancing, because I want to minimize my screen dependency as much as possible (and maintain some level of normalcy, which for me doesn’t usually include a lot of TV or movies at home). But my friends have started a weekly Netflix Party, which lets us watch in sync and comment on the movie together. Our first movie was Coming To America, which I’d never seen. It was an excellent choice— funny and fun, colorful and silly.

Podcasts: The podcast Power Corrupts returned, and it always seems to perfectly suit this political moment without feeling completely doom and gloom. The whole archive of the first season is excellent, and the episodes in the second season so far are also fascinating.

And the Reply All episode “The Case of the Missing Hit” is just a splendid capsule of storytelling and a good way to distract yourself from the misery of the world with a silly 90’s pop hit that has possibly never existed.

The Film Files

I made a last dash to get film developed, while I still can. I still have to retrieve the negatives, but I’m not eager to stray far from home, so I don’t know when I’ll next get new pictures developed.

Ephemera

She stalked me for a year, but it took a pandemic breakdown for me to finally give in. A pushy, cuddly cat who hangs out in my building has been DYING to get into my apartment, and finally I’ve let her come in and snuggle— sometimes. I haven’t adopted her, I just let her in (and kick her out) when it works for us. It has been a comfort to have her here, and the system works so far!

I’ve also made an effort to do more painting and sketching at home, to stay occupied and off the screens.

Upcoming

Of course there is no traveling coming up, so my plans for April include not having a breakdown, and finding a sweet and fulfilling way to celebrate my birthday without a party. I work hard to stay positive and healthy and full of as much joy as possible— after all, what else is there?